A personal story about friendship, boundaries and why we can’t do life alone. Real connection starts when we choose the right people.

“I can’t do anything without money,” I told my therapist many years ago. “What if you reframe that? Let’s replace money with people.”

This was probably one of the best lessons I learned from my therapist (and I have learned many). But understanding the power of community and learning who I allow in my space and in my energy made such a big difference.

I did many things on my own throughout my life. Including moving countries. Living as a student in Helsinki and later moving to London when I was offered a job opportunity taught me about exploring new places.

I didn’t always have someone else to share an adventure with. Schedules didn’t always align and it was frustrating. So I took myself on many solo dates, I traveled a lot by myself and it helped me develop numerous valuable skills.

However, that didn’t mean I wasn’t feeling lonely on occasion. Knowing I can be fully independent meant that I didn’t need to rely on people and that only added to my already formed hyper-independence .

It was difficult to trust people and I’d go from one extreme to the other. When I was feeling fully confident, I knew I could do anything on my own.

Then I’d start feeling lonely and opened up my space to basically anyone who’d be around. It led to spending time with people who would drain my energy or who would want me around them because there was something they could take from me, like my positive energy or advice, without actually offering anything back. Without the capacity to listen or offer a shoulder to cry on in return.

This played perfectly into my saviour syndrome (constantly wanting to fix others). I was able to save them and I didn’t have to think about my own pain anymore.

But it also became draining. I’m not saying that friendships need to be transactional. But they are based on an exchange of energy, support and presence, like any other relationship.

It’s not 50/50. But there are times when one needs more support from the other and there are times the other needs to feel the love and safety.

Many people claim to be my friend even when I’m not around but I’ve learned to be more careful with this term and not throw it around just like that.

Having a coffee once and seeing each other socially doesn’t make us close friends. Friendship takes time to build. And depth. And sharing. It also takes a big amount of letting go of expectations and building trust.

In English, it’s more difficult to differentiate because “friend” stands for a wider category, but in Romanian we can be more specific between “prieten”, “amic”, “cunoștință”. In English, we require an additional term to define the degree of the relationship. For instance:
Stranger → Acquaintance → Casual Friend → Good Friend → Close Friend → Best Friend

You probably heard the quote: “there are friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime”.

For me, this was a tough pill to swallow. But once I saw it, I started to create boundaries. I started to be more aware and intentional about the people I give access to my energy. I started saying “no” more often.

And when that became intentional, I finally started to find the right people and to connect from heart to heart. And to create friendships that are based on mutual respect, love and support.

I now feel safe to ask for help and I know I won’t be judged. I feel safe to be vulnerable, to confess and to reveal my soul, while I can also share any stupid joke, funny reels or silly story.

Yes, friendships among adults are possible, yes it’s more difficult to find the people you vibe with, deeper than taking selfies, and yes, you need to be more careful.

It takes time and real intention to build a friendship. Because the depth of a friendship to me is also measured in trust. And trust takes time. It’s earned. It’s shown over time. And sometimes you might still be surprised. But we learn about the people around us all the time.

Now when I look around, I feel grateful. I keep saying to myself that I must have done something right if I’m surrounded by these amazing people.

Different groups, because we met in different circumstances, but nevertheless people with big hearts that I know I can turn to. Because we show up for each other first when it’s nice and shiny, but then we’re also there when it gets ugly and messy and we need help.

I have friendships that have passed the test of time, some have passed the test of long-distance.

How many will still be there to listen to you or offer their hand? And how many will you offer your hand to? That’s how it happens.

Sometimes it will be a shared vision which brings people into a community. Like the one we experienced during the Nod Literary Festival when we all came together because we shared the vision and each of us contributed with a small piece and did everything we could to make it happen.

“I can’t do anything without people.” I’ve experienced it every time I had to organize an event or a retreat. Asking for help and receiving support was irreplaceable in the process because without that, my vision would have collapsed every time.

Only now I have a better understanding of my therapist’s words. In fact, I’d add “I can’t do anything without the right people.”

Because community will help bring vision to fruition, and friends will stay even after you celebrate the wins and they will truly have your back even when the vision falls apart. Or you fall apart.

True friendship lives in the right people and I’m so grateful for the ones in my life.

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This blog post is part of a personal challenge: for six months, I am returning to blogging with weekly posts. My intention is to share not just stories, but also the deeper reasoning behind journaling and storytelling as tools for clarity and growth. Writing in this way is how I hold myself accountable to the same practice I guide others through: making space to process, reflect, and transform on the page.